For The Kids' Sake: How To Keep The Peace With Your Ex During Divorce And Thereafter

Posted on: 29 July 2015

Divorce comes with a variety of side effects that every family member is at risk of being faced with. Everything from digestive problems and trouble sleeping to chronic stress and even a weakened immune system can become a reality during and after a divorce – and your kids are likely to experience feelings of loss, insecurity, and maybe even a little resentment. Here are a few things you can do to keep the peace with your ex-spouse is an effective way to help reduce stress levels and make the transitional experience easier for everyone involved:

Get Counseling

Counseling is a common resource for people going through divorce, but most folks tend to attend sessions alone in an attempt to move on in life. While this type of counseling can be extremely helpful for your personal lifestyle and goals, it won't help you stay on the same page with your ex-partner because they aren't a part of your sessions.

But by attending couples counseling together once or twice a month indefinitely once the divorce is in motion, you can better work together to find solutions for things like visitation scheduling, maintaining a solid bond with the kids, and possiblely most importantly, communication with each other.

Create a Schedule

A great way to make sure that there are not any discrepancies when it comes to things like family dates, visitation times, and planned phone calls is to create a weekly or monthly schedule that you and your ex-spouse can agree upon and sign. You can then make copies of your schedules and digitize them so you each have a hardcopy and an electronic copy.

This will minimize the chance of impeding on each other's schedules and plans as well as help to ensure that you both make your shared family schedules a priority. Give a copy of your schedules to your lawyer so they can be stored for use if you end up going to court to make changes to your custody plan or other post-marital arrangements.

Meet in Public

If you and your ex-partner have a tendency to argue when you have a conversation with one another in person, it's a good idea to plan any necessary personal meetings to take place in a public area. A restaurant, park, bus station, the parking lot at work, or even an extended family member's house are all suitable places to meet that may help to keep stress levels low while you communicate. Bring along a list of topics you need to talk about when meeting with your ex-spouse so you can stay on track and easily move on to a new topic if things start to get heated.

Keep a Diary

You are sure to face frustration as you maintain a relationship with your ex-partner during and after your divorce, which is why it's important to have an outlet that helps you get rid of unhealthy feelings so you're less likely to take those feelings out on your friends and family members. A great way to let your frustrations out without involving those you love is to keep a diary to write in when you need to vent.

Taking just a few moments out of your day to use the diary will release pent up feelings and give you something to reflect on when meeting with a personal counselor. You may even find the diary useful when trying to make changes in the way you communicate with your ex-partner, as you'll be able to look back and review what has worked in the past and what hasn't.

With the help of these tips and tricks you should be able to maintain an amicable relationship with your ex-spouse for the kids' sake if for nothing else. At the very least, you'll be able to minimize contact with each other that results in unhealthy communications. Click here for more info on the subject.